Divorce expert advises against marriages of love
Broadcast Date: June 24, 1975
People are getting married for all the wrong reasons, explains Dr. Benjamin Small in this CBC Radio clip. The happy couples this psychotherapist encounters have relationships based on trust, respect and tolerance — but not love. Most people in modern Canada get married for love and attraction. But Dr. Small didn't get caught in the love trap. He has a simple "deep affection" for his wife, and hates drippy terms of endearment.Dr. Small counsels couples at Chicago's divorce court. He says every one of them has "messy marriages" because of a romanticized view of love carried over from childhood. There's also a psychological need to correct a defective childhood self-image. Couples are "hoping to get from the person we marry, the good feelings we should have gotten from our parents," he explains.
Divorce expert advises against marriages of love
• According to The Canadian Encyclopedia, romance hasn't historically been a primary consideration for getting married in Canada. Early Canadians more often married on the basis of ethnicity, religion or personal attraction.• Until the late 1800s, marriage most often occurred after a set of courtship rituals. Potential suitors would "call upon" the daughters of middle-class families. Parents only granted entrance to men they thought were most suitable for marriage.
• Families of working class singles were less involved in courtship rituals because teenage city dwellers often worked and lived away from home.
• At the time, "coming out" rituals were also popular for young girls in rural and urban Canada. Coming out signalled to bachelors that a girl's parents deemed it okay for courtship to begin.
• The Canadian Encyclopedia also found that before the 1880s, a daughter who married against her parents' wishes was often banished from the family.
Divorce expert advises against marriages of love
Medium: Radio
Program: As It Happens
Broadcast Date: June 24, 1975
Guest(s): Dr. Benjamin Small
Host: Barbara Frum, Alan Maitland
Duration: 6:21
Last updated:
July 14, 2009
Television
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When John Lennon and Yoko Ono checked in at Montreal's Queen Elizabeth Hotel in 1969, it was, in part, due to heat and marijuana.
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10:30
Chris Vogel and Richard North have found a sympathetic minister to marry them, and all they want now is a marriage licence.
Divorce expert advises against marriages of love.
The CBC Digital Archives Website.
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.
Last updated: July 14, 2009.
[Page consulted on Feb. 13, 2012.]